


four am

by rippedjuns



Series: i’ll be with you from dusk till dawn [1]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: But Hey It’s Cheolsoo, Don’t Expect Much, Drabble, I honestly tried, I wrote this at 4am, Kind of Angst but Kind of Fluff, M/M, There Isn’t Much More to it, This is Me Trying to be Poetic but Ultimately Failing, what do i tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-30
Updated: 2018-09-30
Packaged: 2019-07-20 16:28:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16141088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rippedjuns/pseuds/rippedjuns
Summary: i wonder what it would be like if we were together, if the deer and the lion could defy the odds, if i could actually be yours





	four am

**Author's Note:**

  * For [BrokenxHappiness](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrokenxHappiness/gifts).



> i woke up at 4am and didn’t know what to do, so my boo, dee, said that i should write a 4am drabble. go read her stuff too because she is such an extraordinary writer <3333
> 
> i would say it’s inspired by my thoughts, but i don’t really have a crush atm? it’s more or less thoughts of what it would be like to be in a relationship
> 
> if stuff doesn’t make sense then blame my 4am brain xD
> 
> now playing - phosphenes by idealism

i wonder to myself sometimes; what would it be like to be yours, and only yours?

i’ve never done anything like this before, i’m a chick flying from the nest and spreading his wings in the hopes of reaching the destination of eternal happiness. i might need help to understand the psychology of you, and your body, and your beauty. you’re unrealistic, some would even say magical. that’s what makes me want you even more.

i’d hope that we would compliment each other perfectly, a cluster of lumpy peanut butter and a glorious spread of raspberry jam. you are like a lion, striding around your territory with everyone begging on all fours for your acceptance; whilst i am merely a deer in amongst the oak trees - watching, but not wanting to be hurt. no one goes to the zoo to watch the deers.

i seem like a game to some people, a rag doll for them to drag about their house and collect up their dirt despite it not being my responsibility. it hurts to be mentally thrown about like this, and it truly haunts my thoughts although i might hide it with a false grin.

i smile a lot to you. i smile to get your attention, i smile to say thank you, i smile just to say good morning. it’s all in the hopes that maybe you might feel one percent happier that day, as a reminder that there is hope for people like you in this world. nevertheless, to you i probably mean one percent as well. maybe even less.

i wonder what it would be like to see you smile back even wider, or even to maybe illicit a spoken response. maybe a ‘good morning’ or maybe even a ‘love you’ if i aim high enough. your husky voice in class causes an earthquake in my chest, shivers cracking out in every inch of my body. your grin alone could make my head turn into a beetroot, oozing with love saved especially for you.

i wonder what it would be like to hold you in my arms, wrapping my skinny around around your torso like a ribbon around my own present. it would be christmas every day. what a honour it would be to share your warmth that i can feel even from walking fourteen metres away from you, with my head resting against your cushioned chest, and my small frame curled up against your almighty being.

it’s not common for a deer to cuddle up in the protection of a lion, though.

i wonder what it would be like to wake up next to you. your comfortable arms locked around my waist, restricting me from leaving the room. you’re too persuasive. even falling asleep next to you would be more of a fantasy than the dream itself, interweaving our woolen pyjama legs as we almost merge into one being on the memory foam. why would i need a beach getaway when you leave my skin burning in flusters? you’re all i need in any moment of time, and to finalise the day with a protective lion hug would be priceless to me.

however, i have to be faced with reality when i turn around under my duvet to see your face being only a figure of my imagination.

at four am i still think of you, when my dreams of you abruptly stop to remind myself that i’ll never be yours. i’m never going to be good enough for you, choi seungcheol. there’s always someone better than me.

someone always hunts the deer down first before they try to approach the lion.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_but what if the lion wanted to protect the deer?_

_what if the lion shared the same feelings that the deer wallowed within?_

_what if the lion wanted the deer himself, but was suddenly too shy to approach him?_

_because the lion would do anything to make the deer feel safe in his surroundings._

_even if it may go unnoticed._

_because the ferocious lion happens to possess similar emotions to the little deer._

_even though their personalities seem straightforward._

_because the lion wanted to hold the deer close, and to be able to say that the deer is his and his alone._

_even if the rest of the pride will attack against it._

_because i want you too, hong jisoo. even though that’s what you least expect from me. i too wonder what it’s like to hold your hand and kiss you on the lips and send you to neverland in just one smile. i want to grow old with you and stay forever young with you; i want to dance with you in the sunlight and be close to you in the moonlight; i want to say no to anything that will drag you away from me and yes to an infinity with you and you alone._

_it’s four am and i wonder what it’s like to call you mine, but my nerves overwhelm every organ underneath my skin, rendering me unable to make a move when i see your innocent face._

_and thus, i go back to sleep. i dream about being yours, and that dream feels like utter bliss._  
and thus, i go back to sleep. i dream about being yours, and that dream feels like utter bliss.

**Author's Note:**

> feedback is always appreciated!
> 
> ☆thank you for reading!☆


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